Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
