did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
