One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
