those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
