Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
