see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
