I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
