You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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