Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
