i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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