Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
