Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
