When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
