she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
