Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
