My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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