Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
