The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
