It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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