I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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