He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
