K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
