i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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