Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
