he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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