...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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