I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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