Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
