Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
