What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
