You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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