What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can you bring me the toilet please
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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