all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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