My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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