Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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