she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
