Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
