getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
