At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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