Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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