I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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