found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
