I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your penis caused this!
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