it's like heaven, but drunker
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
