its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
