I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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