why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
