YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
