Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
