i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
