After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
