You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
