and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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