you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize