Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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