the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
