the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
