I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dear god my vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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