i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize