Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
