after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
