I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
