dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize