i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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