walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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