my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
