Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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