so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
